Topix Questions 25 "What Big Task Or Project Did It Feel Fantastic To Complete" & 26 "What Do You Enjoy Learning About? How Do You Learn It?"

 Question 25/424:  What big task or project did it feel fantastic to complete?

To be perfectly honest I don’t live a life that’s full of projects so I don’t really know if I can answer this question as thoroughly as I would like to.  The first thing that came to my mind after reading this question was simply the three moves I’ve made over the years. 

The first move from my parents’ house to my first apartment was of course quite the undertaking not only because of how much stuff I moved but also the distance of my move.  The move wasn’t across state lines or anything but it was the longest move I’ve been a part of to date and hauling an 8ft trailer 40 miles and worrying about weather in November certainly adds a certain level of stress and later relief once everything is indoors.  My second move from the first apartment into the townhouse I shared with my then boyfriend was also quite the endeavor because at that point we had two cats and moving with animals (even if it’s just across the complex) again adds a level of stress and later relief once all of the dust has settled.  My third and last move was when I left that townhouse and moved back into an apartment on my own.  That move felt very monumental because it was the first time I moved out without counting on another person to move in.  That move felt like a huge milestone for me and certainly marked a new chapter in my life.

Outside of moves I genuinely can’t think of any other personal projects or tasks that I accomplished that felt fantastic once complete.  I have, however, helped other people with certain house projects and I do always feel pretty fantastic and accomplished after a long hard day of work.  I’ve helped friends paint rooms, deep clean spaces, and yard projects.  Maybe it’s just because I don’t do those things very often so when I have the opportunity to do projects like that I view it as a huge accomplishment versus just another chore on the list.

I did also feel accomplished after I purchased two cars mostly on my own.  For the longest time my mom would help me with the process of buying a car but in 2018 I bought my first car for the most part on my own.  I did have a friend go with me to check out the car but when the time to purchase came I was solely responsible for that and it felt like quite the undertaking.  I felt the same way when I bought my most recent car last year in 2022.  I think just because the process is so stressful and you have to make sure to do every part of it correctly or else consequences can come down so there’s a lot of fantastic relief that sweeps over you once it’s finally finished.

I could also talk about learning how to handle Chapter 13 Bankruptcies at work but to be honest that has been such an ongoing process.  Even though I feel a lot more confident now than I did when we started taking on those cases in 2013 the fact is that rules and expectations in the legal world change constantly and as soon as you think you have a good handle on things, all of a sudden you’re learning a new way to do it.  I do always feel a sense of pride and accomplishments when old statuses pop up in my memories on social media from when I was beginning the learning process and now knowing how confident I am in my ability to handle it, but it still doesn’t feel like a “completed project” per se.  Although anytime a case gets confirmed (sorry, legal jargan) I do always send a “party popper” emoji to my boss in celebration because every time feels like a celebration.

So yeah I think I know what this question was trying to get to the bottom of but honestly my life is less about bit projects and big tasks and more about the daily monotony and just feeling accomplished when the apartment is clean.

 

Question 26/424:  What do you enjoy learning about?  How do you learn it?

When I was a kid I loved school, and I was convinced that I would simply stay in school forever earning as many degrees as possible.  When I got into high school my love of learning wavered, partially because I was more interested in the social aspect of school and also because I suddenly felt overwhelmed by the amount of learning, studying and test taking that had to be done to be moderately successful.  Even still I believed for the longest time that going to college was the only way to be a successful and respected member of society.  I applied to a business college because that seemed like the quickest route to get the thing I thought I needed to have to be successful and I pushed myself to attend classes even after my dad’s sudden death one month before classes started.  My college experience wasn’t a necessarily good one, and for most of it I essentially slept in my car because I was traveling so much to be everywhere at once.  I wound up having panic attacks in class and in some classes only got a semi-passing grade because I had friends that would allow me to copy their work otherwise I probably would’ve just failed classes. 

I explain all of that to say that I don’t invest a lot of time in my adult life into learning.  Even reading recreationally has fallen off of my radar in the last few years because I struggle to find the time to be in a quiet place and focus on reading amongst the chaos of daily life.  Most of the learning I do now is work related and more of an essential than an enjoyable choice.  As for how I learn, I think that also goes hand in hand with my explanation as to why I don’t invest time into learning as an adult.  I am a person who has to both hear what is being taught while also having a visual guide.  If you simply tell me how to do something, I’m not going to retain it.  If you simply offer me a guide on how to do something, I’m not going to remember how to do it without having that guide in front of me all of the time.  The best way for something to actually stick in my brain is repetition, I have to be told, shown, and offered the opportunity to complete the thing over and over again until it becomes second nature.

The only thing I guess that I do try to learn about on my own time is still law and crime related things, I will look up case law and the definitions of legal terms, even though a lot of the time those terms have nothing to do with the type of law I work with every day.  I find myself being really overwhelmed by learning.  Even looking into things like, the process of buying a house or how to create a good work out routine or learning about healthy diets.  All of these things, while not necessarily related, cause me a lot of anxiety.  I start looking at articles or listicles of how to accomplish things and the sense of dread and overwhelm that I’ll either never be able to figure it out or I’ll try and do it wrong and therefore fail overtake me and more or less stop me from trying to learn.  I feel less overwhelmed if I have someone who has been there and done that before and can essentially hold my hand through the process, but that also requires a certain level of vulnerability to ask for help which I don’t always find to be the easiest thing for me to do.

I wish I could figure out a way to channel my inner little kid who found joy in learning and would read extra chapters in my text books for fun and write book reports on the books I was reading for fun.  As an adult, I’ve attempted to reenroll into college twice and the initiation process stresses me out so bad that once I get past the paperwork and the next step is to schedule an orientation and placement testing I basically just freeze and never continue.  Which then makes me panic that there is some sort of red mark next to my name that eventually the college I’ve applied to twice will simply stop giving me the time of day and then what will I do.  So a lot of time I find it easier to partake in mindless activities instead of learning activities, which I’m not proud to admit.