Recalling Pineapples

I don’t know anything And I’ve never claimed to But I’ve been trying to make words out of my emotions Since I was a child Listening to Top 40 Trying to write suspense novels Laying on my sister’s bed Reading through her high school journal Wondering if that would somehow help Make sense of what was going on inside me It never helped though Since I was a teenager Listening to alternative Sitting alone in front of a computer screen Writing my suicide note on Xanga Hoping someone would see it They did – I got lucky So I kept writing Hoping someone would see it Hopefully someone can see through it Can make sense of my nonsense Find beauty in my messy metaphors Find humor in my rough rhymes Trying my best to use pen and paper To clear the fog out of my mind Thinking that maybe if I wrote enough If I wrote the words “I love you” If I wrote the definition of love and all its forms Maybe I could make sense of it But I know now there is no sense in love And I don’t know anything I’ve neve...

The issue isn’t that I don’t know what I want The issue is that I know what I want so intensely It tastes like copper on my tongue It smells like a home cooked meal fresh from the oven It sounds like the wind rustling the leaves on trees in my backyard It feels like the comfort that can be shared within a family It looks like a full and happy home The issue isn’t that I don’t know what I want The issue is I keep taking the wrong paths to get there I keep asking the wrong people to help me build it The issue is that what I want requires a team effort And I was raised with quite a work ethic The issue isn’t that I’m too insecure to ask for it The issue is that I’m too insecure to stand up for myself I don’t like walking away from things I don’t like feeling like a failure I don’t like looking like a liar I don’t like being considered a quitter I stick around until it hurts Until I’m convinced my life will never truly start Certain my dreams will never come true When it’s the darkest Th...

  Question 51/424:  What do you procrastinate? Whenever I find myself procrastinating, I always think of a line from the highly underrated film Haiku Tunnel : “Settle down. Focus. And catch up.” That being said, I am certainly guilty of procrastinating from time to time. I mostly procrastinate when it comes to making big decisions that will drastically alter my life. The best example of this I can give is that I’ve been intending to return to school since I was 24. A big reason I dropped going to college was because I wasn’t eligible for any type of aid due to my parents’ income and assets. I figured I would just wait until I could fill out my own FAFSA without their information and then college would be more feasible. I did apply to college, and even got to the point where I needed to take placement tests, but I just procrastinated until my application expired. I’ve done this three times, where I got to the point in the process where I had to physically go to the campus – n...

She says this is the most sincerest form of love she's ever known And yet still refuses to let it grow It's stupidity or it's selfishness But I still can't seem to let her go I'm the one with whom she's confided every secret Watched her face every mistake she's stubbornly made She inspires me but refuses to embrace it Continues searching for something else in dark places I told her one day, when our situations are simpler I'm going to come get her She laughs as if she thinks I'm kidding She has no idea what she's missing I don't know what it would take For her to see me the way that I see her To accept what all she has to offer And stop settling for anything lesser One say she'll realize what it's always been about The comfort and the calm The honesty, intimacy, and vulnerability We've never withheld Until then I'll love her from the sidelines In the periphery, just out of sight But one day when everything is exactly...

(Disclaimer - this is so weird and random cuz like...it’s a car >_> but I’ll take my inspiration were I can lol) 2013 was a weird year for me. I had been in my 3rd and most severe car accident in three years, I had a huge falling out with a close friend, and I left my first adult relationship that had lasted three years. I was 20 years old and I felt very unsure of every decision I had made up to that point and would inevitably make in the future - and to be perfectly honest I was afraid to drive. At the time I was driving a pretty run down 2-door Chevy Cavalier and I hated it. I felt cramped and too small on the road to be noticed which made me feel like at any moment I could be in another catastrophic car accident. Car shopping was hectic, I was getting a lot of help from my mom, but with me working a 9-5 us being able to go look at cars at the same time was difficult. After a few months, a friend of mine noticed a PT Cruiser not far from my apartment. This was a car few pe...