Recalling Pineapples

It happened to me. The girl who, arguably, has extensive experience dealing with the bullshit games that men play.  The girl who has experience with men with ages ranging from 14 to 47. If the person you’re with is a game player, a bullshitter, a manipulator, a liar – they all play the same games. It happened to me; the girl who allowed a 14 year old boy to convince her that she was only valuable if men wanted to fuck her.  The girl who was dumped because she stood up for herself, and then went through high school thinking, “What if I had just given in to him … we could be happy.”  It took this girl almost a decade to finally unlearn that principal.  It took years to discover that she was, in fact, valuable for more than her willingness to put out.  The girl who, 4 years post-graduation had to explain to this boy that she would never marry him, or take him seriously, and encouraged him to ask out the girl he is now married to and has a family with. It happen...

Let's play a game It's called "What is your toxic trait"? Mine is that I love too hard too quickly I don't know how to take my time with it To savor the flavor, let it marinate My toxic trait is that your family will love me I make a damn good first impression They might even start asking me about you We'll coordinate the holidays, monitor your schedule, plan your future My toxic trait is that my love language is acts of service Cooking meals Cleaning the house Helping the kids Buying you gifts Trying to improve your life My toxic trait is if marriage matters to you We'll have to go through couples therapy Because I already treat relationships like a marriage So. I don't put much value in the legality or ceremony My toxic trait is I want you to remember me forever I want to leave an imprint on your life that you can't remove I want to be the one you talk about with friends long after it's over My toxic trait is I'll choose your ha...

I’ve been here before I recognize the trees They’ve grown a bit Since I last stood at these crossroads But the knots on the trunks remain the same I understand the difficulty Of choosing between something familiar And something new and promising The last time I was here It was me who had to make that decision Sobbing into my steering wheel As he apologized for all the wrongs As I drove back to a home that wasn’t mine The ripping in my chest was deafening The tugging in my stomach was nauseating But after years of missed connections All of the disappearing and reappearing I felt like the choice was simple I would have to be a fool to choose What always seemed just out of reach Ironically it worked out really well for him He went on to find someone and marry them I went on to tread water in an ocean I didn't ask to see That was an entire lifetime ago Back when we met for the first time When you busy making mistakes And I was busy feeling sorry for myself So many y...