Recalling Pineapples

4/20/2018 -  After work, a friend I’m getting closer every day with (by bonding over our toxic relationships with our mothers) came to visit from out of state.  We met, went out to dinner, and I stayed out from 5:30 pm to 9:00 pm (sorry to our waitress) Then after getting home, I played on my Playstation4 until about 11 pm when my ex who recently found some of my childhood books that apparently have been in the trunk of his car for the last year and a half since we broke up.  I drove over to his house, not knowing just how large the box was.  After retrieving my beloved Animorphs books, we talked.  We talked about everything, good and bad, our lives now, our lives before when we were together, and it was midnight.  He asked if I just wanted to go get coffee, he’d drive, he’d pay (I didn’t bring my purse he literally lives 20 feet from my apartment).  We went to get coffee, it was casual, it was safe, but I knew it was inappropriate.  I couldn’t ...

It’s funny - when you ask young, happy, beautiful people, “How do you know you love them? How do you know it’s going to work out?” Usually, they just say, “When you know, you know.” And people accept it with a smile because, “Isn’t it sweet?” But when people ask me why I loved him - and believe me they asked A Lot - that simple and sweet answer never cut it. I understand how it looked from the outside. I think that’s why I find the “How” question easier to answer. I loved him because he was there during a time when I felt very alone and unheard, and he only wanted to listen. In a lot of ways, I think we were an escape for one another. I took him - for a few moments each day - to a simpler place away from the daily stresses of adulthood. In turn, he gave me a glimpse into the life I was longing for and gave me hope that all the shit I was going through would pass. I loved him because he made me feel seen and valued, because Lord knows he had better things to do with his time than ...