Topix Questions 31: Have You Ever Been Financially Broke? & 32: Are You Forgetful Or Do You Remember Names, Dates, Etc.?

Question 31/424:  Have you ever been financially broke?  Do any memories come to mind?

So I actually wrote a lengthy post about mydebt history back in April of 2021, it was actually the first post I made to this new blog attempt. I won’t go into too much detail since I already did in that post, but the short answer is yes, I have been financially broke.  In fact, I have spent pretty much my entire adult life being some version of broke.  I’m fortunate to have good credit and that has certainly helped me along the way but as far as being financially flush enough to pay for everything with cash (or money out of my checking account), that has never been my situation. 

I think the hardest time I remember being in financially was during the years 2011 through 2014.  I moved out right around my 19th birthday in November 2011.  At the time I was working full time at a law office making $10 an hour and my rent for my one-bedroom apartment was going to be $400 a month.  I had to make three times the rent which I was just squeaking by.  When I moved into that apartment, I also had my then boyfriend, Aquarius, move and we were getting visitation weekends with his 2 year old daughter.  When we first moved in, Aquarius and I were both working but it was only my name and income going onto the lease – something my mother strongly recommended.  Shortly after we moved in, Aquarius lost his job.  He was entitled to unemployment, but of course that still meant he was earning less than when he was working.  Over time we went from being every other weekend co-parents to being week on/week off co-parents so of course that made the money even tighter.

So, I became the primary money earner and budgeter for this household of 2.5 people while also paying off vehicles my mom had purchased for me.  Then in February 2012 I had another car accident which resulted in having to buy another car as well as paying for medical bills.  At the time I didn’t have a single credit card so everything had to come out of my debit account and I felt like I was drowning.  There were many months where we had to make meals out of whatever scraps we had in our kitchen.  Aquarius’ parents would also visit churches and food banks and would offer us items that they didn’t think they would use or would expire before they could use them.  I had never experienced that type of livelihood, I’d never had to ask for handouts or figure out a way to doctor up canned beef into an edible meal.  It was an interesting time and it was a huge learning experience for me when it comes to cooking, a skill I had not yet learned at that point.  During this time, Aquarius’ and mine’s idea of a date night was going to a grocery store and buying two pints of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and eating it outside.  It was a splurge without breaking the bank.

That time was really very hard for me.  Because we were scraping and scrimping I tired not to go out and do much because basically every time you leave the house you’re bound to spend money.  I ended up falling into a pretty deep depression where my days mostly consisted of waking up, going to work, coming home, preparing some type of meal, eating in bed while watching TV on a laptop, and falling asleep around midnight or one-o’clock in the morning.  Rinse, wash, repeat.  To this day I try not let myself eat in my bed simply because it feels like a slippery slope back into that depressive place.

Since then, I have been able to build my credit and I have never been in a position where I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to pay my rent or buy groceries, but I work hard to make sure that never happens to me again.  I also recognize a lot of people would say that the utilization of credit cards to fund your life is irresponsible and I understand that I can be a gateway to bad choices, but unfortunately sometimes it is a necessary evil.  I would not have been able to pay for most of my vehicle repairs without the use of a credit card, and not having transportation makes it difficult to maintain employment. Being financially broke is a very scary, sad and stressful position to be in and I empathize with anyone who finds themselves in that situation. 

Question 32/424:  Are you forgetful, or do you tend to remember details like names, dates, etc?

I think this question is all about context.  I think generally speaking I am pretty good at remembering details.  I have a pretty good internal calendar and schedule which reminds me to keep up on things and I tend to remember stories and their details better than most of my friends.  However, I am not always the best at remembering birthdates or numbers in general. 

I always joke that the reason I’m bad at remembering birthdays is because growing up my two best friends and my sister all had birthdays on holidays.  As I’ve grown up and acquired more friends, as well as being on Facebook, the need my ability to remember people’s birthdays has suffered immensely.  I don’t give people a hard time if they don’t remember mine, though, so I feel like that’s fair.

I also am not ashamed to use an app on my phone that is a task list that I can set tasks to be repeated daily, weekly, monthly or annually.  I’ve even gone so far as to put people’s birthdays on my To Do list simply so that I have a visual reminder about them.  I never want people to feel as if their birthday or their presence in my life isn’t important, I just am not very good at remembering birthdays.  Also, I’m a person who learns best from repetition.  The two friends with holiday birthdays, I’ve been celebrating their birthdays for literally 23 years at this point, and back in the days of youth when celebrating on your actual birthday was a priority.  As an adult, a lot of people will just plan birthday events in their birthday month and so sometimes you can celebrate with a person for years but never actually on their birthday so I might remember that your birthday is in September but not the specific date.  Unless your birthday falls on a holiday or has some sort of pattern in it, I cannot promise that I will remember it without being reminded by Facebook or by my phone.

Honestly it’s a reason why I’ve never done very well in history classes either because dates just don’t stick in my brain.  Even the cutesy things teachers try to do, like rhymes such as “In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue”.  The fact is, literally any date ending in the number 2 rhymes with blue, so as far as my brain is concerned, Columbus sailed the Ocean blue in 1992. 

Returning to the topic of learning by repetition, I also can do my job in my sleep – in fact I’ve had many dreams where I wake up and feel like I’ve been at work accomplishing things only to realize I’ve been sleeping and now I have to re-do everything I did in my dream.  But I’ve been doing the same job, and more or less the same tasks, for 13 years so it makes sense that these details are burned into my memory, even if it seems overwhelming to someone who has never looked at the programs I use every day.

Despite my struggle remembering people’s birthdays and anniversaries I am pretty good at remembering details about people.  I remember conversations, events, favorites, etc.  Most of my friends tell me that I’m a pretty good gift giver which must come from some ability to remember conversations and know what a person will like and appreciate as a gift.

All of this to say, I think I am generally not a forgetful person, but if it has to do with dates or numbers then you might not be able to count on me to remember without some gentle reminders.