Topix Questions 51: What Do You Procrastinate? & 52: How Important is Money?

 

Question 51/424:  What do you procrastinate?

Whenever I find myself procrastinating, I always think of a line from the highly underrated film Haiku Tunnel: “Settle down. Focus. And catch up.” That being said, I am certainly guilty of procrastinating from time to time. I mostly procrastinate when it comes to making big decisions that will drastically alter my life. The best example of this I can give is that I’ve been intending to return to school since I was 24. A big reason I dropped going to college was because I wasn’t eligible for any type of aid due to my parents’ income and assets. I figured I would just wait until I could fill out my own FAFSA without their information and then college would be more feasible. I did apply to college, and even got to the point where I needed to take placement tests, but I just procrastinated until my application expired. I’ve done this three times, where I got to the point in the process where I had to physically go to the campus – not just applying to things online – and that was just always this huge brick wall for me. So now, at 32, I finally have a friend who knows enough about the process and is willing to help me navigate it, so with any luck I’ll be starting classes in the fall.

I don’t like going to doctor’s appointments, so I will often put off appointments for as long as possible. Sometimes I think if I set the appointment months in advance then it will give me enough time to prepare mentally, and I’ll commit to it but honestly most of the time I end up calling about 48 hours before the appointment and pushing it out another month…or three. This goes for all types, medical, dental, and vision. I know it’s not ideal or responsible to do that, and every doctor I see gives me grief for putting off preventative appointments until things are actual problems. Unfortunately, my medical anxiety always gets the better of me which results in some severe procrastination in regard to setting and following through with medical appointments.

Sometimes I’ll procrastinate at work, but usually I want to make sure I’m as far ahead as possible. This can backfire on me, though, if I get everything done too quickly it can feel like I’m sitting at work with nothing to do and I don’t love that feeling either. Usually, the things I procrastinate about at work are the things that I know will take a decent amount of time and focus because sometimes I don’t have the option of being as focused as I’d like in the middle of the day, and it can be easier to finish those kinds of tasks on a Friday or towards the end of the day. However, waiting until the end of the day can be risky because once I get antsy about leaving, I will probably not focus on the things I put off doing. Rest assured, the job always gets done, and procrastinating at work is the least likely thing for me to do. I have been guilty of procrastinating about asking for raises at work, which only hurts myself in the long run.

I do have a bad habit of procrastinating about having hard conversations with people. It’s a tricky thing, because I say I want to wait to have hard conversations so that I don’t come into them with too many emotions, but then by the time I’m prepared to have the conversation I feel so removed from the situation that it almost feels unkind to bring up old issues, and so I usually wind up not having those conversations. This has led to me being in relationships far longer than I wanted to be or should have been because I was just coasting instead of being proactive and upfront with my feelings about everything that was happening.

I try not to be a procrastinator; I know ultimately that procrastinating just makes more work for my future self and I prefer not to do that. I think that’s why my procrastinating comes out in the form of not changing things in my current life. Change is scary, and not necessary in most cases, so I feel less guilty procrastinating about those kinds of things. I’m not saying I recommend that, because certainly my life would look a lot differently if I was more of a proactive person or took more risks – both personally and professionally. I’m lucky to have several friends in my life who, if I say I want to accomplish things, they will hold me accountable and offer any help that they can to push me towards following through. Really, my issue is more about follow through than it is about procrastination. I don’t put things off just so I can do them later, I push things off because following through sounds way scarier than just putting it off until it’s irrelevant to my life, or until they hopefully resolve themselves without me having to come off like the bad guy. I recognize that isn’t the healthiest way to go about things, but that is admittedly how I have handled things in the past. But I’m always trying to learn and grow and be a better person so hopefully in the future I won’t be able to say that I procrastinate much. Hopefully I will specifically stop procrastinating when it comes to making decisions that will improve my life.  

Question 52/424:  How important is money?

Money is what runs the world, and money is the root of all evil. I believe both concepts to be equally true. There is very little we can do in this life without money, and yet our lives seem so much more fulfilling when we are not worrying about money. Unfortunately, our society is run by money, even though in today’s world it hardly even feels real. Paychecks are just digital numbers electronically deposited into accounts, bills are delivered and paid with digital numbers electronically, transfers of digital numbers are made between accounts electronically. So few people even hold physical money anymore, it all just kind of feels like a weird video game where you just make decisions and move text around that supposedly represents funds but none of it really seems to have any value. Despite this, money is certainly what makes the world go round and will likely be true for the foreseeable future.

I am probably a little more focused on money than some people. Not in a miser-y way, because trust me I enjoy spending money if it’s for the purpose of creating memories, but I still think about it all the time. Stability is a core value for me, and probably one of the most important things in my life. Anyone who messes with my sense of stability is not someone I can have in my life for very long. If someone breaks my trust when it comes to money, I consider that to be one of the deepest forms of betrayal, and it’s not something I can easily move on from or forgive.

This is probably part of the reason why I don’t let people borrow or drive my car. Cars are expensive things that are necessary for the freedom I require in my life. I know myself well enough to know that if I loaned my car to someone and something happened, I would not be quick to forgive them, so I feel like it’s just easier to avoid putting myself and someone I care about in that situation. If I allow or ask someone to drive my car, the situation must be pretty dire for me to feel like I can’t drive myself.

I’ve struggled with money for my entire adult life. Partly because when I moved out at 19, I was not making an exceptional wage, literally just enough to qualify for an apartment. Then to add to that, ever since I moved out, I’ve had roommates that didn’t actually contribute to the household, so I was always supporting more than just myself on one income. This resulted in me relying heavily on credit cards, which is not a place you want to be. It’s been a long, uphill battle to get the credit card debt taken care of. I also always struggled with cars. For years I was basically buying a car a year while also dropping thousands of dollars into repairing the cars I had. I also can be a very generous person, and I sometimes feel like I am taken advantage of for my generosity. I never want people to feel left just because money was tight this week. But it’s difficult to keep a healthy balance of being a helpful friend versus being taken advantage of. I don’t even think people take advantage on purpose necessarily, I think it’s just hard to turn down help if it’s something you really need or want. These things certainly do not lead to having a flush bank account or a comfortable savings account to fall back on.  

I’m very fortunate that my job has grown with me over the last 14 years, I have gotten raises over the years, and I feel like I am able to live a life I am comfortable with. Despite saying that money is very important to me, I don’t seek out other jobs even though I know I could get paid more for the same job if I worked for a larger office or in a bigger city. So, I do think that money is important, but I also think it’s important to be happy. I don’t think I could work a job knowing it didn’t make enough for me to cover my necessary expenses. However, I also don’t think I could leave a job or a work environment that I like simply because I could make more money elsewhere. My brother is the opposite, he will jump ship if offered the right financial incentive. He often sends me jobs even though I’m not actively looking, but he thinks I should just move on to the next best thing and that would be the job that pays me the most money. I respect that way of thinking, but I think that balance is the most important thing. Life is short and you can’t take any of your wealth with you. I think it’s important to make sure your life is stable and secure but also to be living your life and experiencing things with the people you care about. A fat bank account isn’t the only thing in my life that I am trying to accomplish. Unfortunately, that can sometimes result in feeling like I’m always taking two steps forward and one step back. I’m confident that if I don’t let anymore leeching roommates move in, I’ll be okay. It’s much easier to monitor your finances when you’re not always considering another person.